Dear Diary,
Today I boarded the Hogwarts Express, bound for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
My family came with me to platform 9 ¾, as did my best friend Chris, who’s also going to Hogwarts. Chris is an orphan, so his family didn’t come.
The train ride lasted forever and I had to pee like a bitch. The snack cart was all out of chocolate frogs when it came round to our compartment, so I had to settle for Craisins.
My family came with me to platform 9 ¾, as did my best friend Chris, who’s also going to Hogwarts. Chris is an orphan, so his family didn’t come.
The train ride lasted forever and I had to pee like a bitch. The snack cart was all out of chocolate frogs when it came round to our compartment, so I had to settle for Craisins.
Everyone was having a St. Elmo’s barbecue over the fact that Harry Potter was on the train. Staring at his lightning scar. I have a scar-shaped scar on my forehead from when I charged the pram at age four, but nobody gave a crap. I was lonely and bored, so I swiped some kid’s toad and kissed it to see if it would turn into a hot boy. It didn’t, and my lips burned for the rest of the ride.
When we got off the train, they made us line up and get into boats. Chris is afraid of water, so I distracted him by singing his favorite song, “One Year of Love.”
We assembled in the Great Hall. The second-through-seventh years were already there, and you could tell they took pleasure in our disorientation. One of them said to me, ‘Your hair looks of gillyweed,’ and I didn’t know what she meant, so I tried to kick her in the shins but wound up kicking a boy with MS. I guess if ever he had a hope of cure, this would be the place to go.
We had to figure out what house we were in by putting on a talking hat. When it was placed on my head it snored for about twenty minutes before Professor McGonagall gave it a poke and it yelled “Er-uh-Gryffindor!” as though that were the first thing that came to its mind. That’s okay. Gryffindors are known for their bravery, and I’ve already decided I'm going to make a name for myself while I’m at Hogwarts through acts of derring-do.
Chris got into Gryffindor as well. So did Harry Potter. I honestly think the hat may have been tanked.
We went to our dormitories. Gryffindor is in a tower, which is sweet, and our house colors are apparently red and gold, but I can only see the gold because I’m red-green colorblind. When I opened my trunk to get ready for bed, I found a picture of a dead cat from my sister and a note from my mom with my name spelled wrong. It's two L's, mom. It's always been two.
All the magic in the world can’t give me a family who loves me or a life worth the pain and sweat I put into it. But I am looking forward to classes tomorrow.
XXOOXX,
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